Wheedle-dee-DON’T

Try not to Bug

By Amy Barr

Ever heard someone say, “there’s no such thing as a dumb question”? Ever hear the old adage, “it never hurts to ask”? Do you think these statements are true all the time? 

Over my quarter of a century as an educator, I have a small collection of truly dumb questions that people have asked. Don’t be concerned. The normal sorts of things you might ask in any class are far from dumb. To put you at ease, I’ll tell you that the dumbest question I’ve ever heard is when an adult in our group asked if the sand in the Colosseum of Rome was still wet with the blood of the gladiators. This question almost caused our tour guide to choke.

I also have in mind several occasions in which it does indeed hurt to ask a question. Life can be difficult to navigate to, today, I’m letting you in on a little life secret about how to avoid future difficulty if you tend to ask certain types of questions, namely wheedling. No, despite my picture I'm not talking about a weevil which is a type of bug. Wheedle is a verb that means “to influence or entice by soft words or flattery.” When it comes to classroom habits, we educators encounter people who naturally lapse into wheedling to obtain desired results in the form of extra favors, added point values, extensions on deadlines, upgrades to course grades, excuses for being late or missing assignments.

So, what’s wrong with asking for these things? Grandma always said it never hurts…but does it?
Just like asking a tour guide if the sand of the Colosseum is supernaturally soggy almost 2000 years after the last gladiator fight, asking questions leaves an impression of you on others. Most of the time, questioners are simply seeking clarity when information you've heard (or not heard) is incomplete. Such questions show you are focused on getting things right in your mind and in your schedule. I’m certainly not discouraging questions. I’m encouraging you to consider your motives for asking certain types of questions.

Are YOU a wheedler?

1.    If you regularly ask for exceptions to policies spelled out in the syllabus, you might be a wheedler. When you wheedle for an extension on deadlines or whatever else your instructor has set in place as necessary for the class to flow smoothly, you are wheedling for special treatment that you alone might obtain.
2.    If you regularly ask for your educators to bump up your score “just this once” because maybe you didn’t quite understand the prompt, or you don’t think your grader should have deducted a whole point, or you didn’t quite put in the time but really want or “need” a better grade, you might be a wheedler.
3.    If you didn’t put in the study the first time but want extra credit after the semester has ended, you might be a wheedler.

What’s at risk?

Wheedlers leave certain unfavorable impressions when they regularly ask for favors or quibble or fractions of scores. They come across as a person who needs special attention and rewards that their peers won’t enjoy. They seem inattentive because, by asking for exceptions to clearly stated rules like deadlines, they appear to be unaware of the basics spelled out in the syllabus. They give educators the sense that they’d rather quibble over minor points adjustments than put in the effort towards mastery and improvement. 

If you suspect you are a wheedler but are shocked that you might have left a bad impression, consider this your aha! moment. You may think you had no egotistic intentions with your requests for special favors because you simply never thought about it that way. Most wheedling is innocent until it is a habit. Suddenly, your educators stop giving you any benefit of the doubt. Suddenly they never accept your reasons for needing extensions, even in emergencies. Maybe their grading has gotten even firmer, not easier as you progress. Your wheedling habits will always wear thin on those who are the recipients.

Wheedle not! You never want to wear down your educators, peers, parents, employers, or friends with constant requests for exceptions and extra advantages. Maybe you never thought this was much of an issue –after all,  you heard it never hurts to ask—but now it is time to give it a little more thought.