Tell Yourself Valuable Things

You are What Your Team Says You Are

Amy Barr of The Lukeion Project

Does teamwork make the dream work? Often our team is our family. Occasionally we get to work with a group of our own choosing, such as with friends. Most often we are teamed up with others without much personal choice involved like when we volunteer to help to clean up after a big storm or when we join a league to play a sport, or we are part of band or dance group. Even if we live in isolation and can’t remember doing much of anything as part of a team, each of us still works as part of a very small team: we have to work with ourselves.

Some of us don’t have to imagine what it is like to have “that” teammate who constantly complains or interjects doubts.

“It’s too hot to do our best today!”

“We haven’t practiced this very long so now we are going to do a terrible job!”

“I’m not very good at this, I am probably going to mess this up terribly for everyone else.”

“The odds are really against us so why try?”

Ask any coach or director (of any kind) and they’ll likely tell you the most important part of their job is keeping a team’s spirit positive and productive. It only takes one person with a defeatist attitude to bring progress and success to a grinding halt. Employers avoid promoting grumblers and complainers even if those complaints are genuine. No matter what the task might be, productivity is destroyed by Wally Wet-blanket who pollutes everything with negativity.

“But I am only raising accurate concerns!” screams Wally (or Wanda) Wet-blanket who assumes he (or she) is the very first person on the team to realize that conditions are not ideal for swift and easy success. Most humans are naturally pessimists without assistance from negative teammates spelling things out. Statistically accurate complaints need not be expressed in most team situations (except in those horror movies where everyone weirdly agrees to hide in the basement instead of running toward the busy well-lit road nearby).

Good teammates defy reality! They cheer everyone else on to success despite the odds. They shout to struggling teammates, “you got this!” They celebrate each step toward victory with congratulations:
“Yes! That’s better than last week. Good work.” 

We hear these encouraging words and eventually come to believe what our teammates tell us. We become what they think we are. Maybe we really can do this!

Put two otherwise equal teams into a match and the one that shares a positive encouraging team approach will succeed over the group that wastes energy niggling about every obstacle and flaw.

The smallest team you play for is yourself and you maintain a constant dialog with yourself, even while you sleep. Maybe you say things like, “You aren’t very good at learning new things.” Perhaps you say, “You are not good at sports (or languages, writing, or math).” Sporadically you say, “everyone is much better at this than you are so you should give up.”

Hopefully you say, “Yes! That’s much better than last week!” or possibly, “You got this! Just another couple of practice sessions!” or maybe, “Sure, you are hot and tired, but you can finish well so don’t give up.”

A match between two otherwise equal teams will always be won by the team that cheers its members to victory. You face each day with a choice. Which team would you rather join? Wally Wet-blanket believes he is justified in spouting negativity about why it is unlikely he (his team) will do well, or he’ll mumble relentlessly about how unprepared he might be, or he’ll moan about issues outside his control. Since we are our own team, we become who we say we are. If we say we are not up to a task, we will not ever be up to that task.

Decide instead to tell yourself valuable things like, “I will give this situation my full energy and I’ll succeed better and better each time,” or “I practiced this so I know I can do it,” or “I really am capable at being good at this!” 

Let your internal dialog be the place where there never is heard a discouraging word.You are what you say you are. Start saying you are excellent.