Attitude Starts at Home
By Amy Barr with The Lukeion Project
Parents, I’ll keep this brief. All
of you are busy. This week’s blog is all about modeling the attitude that helps
propel a student through the most challenging academic trials. Since some of
your children have not yet met many challenging academic trials, here’s your
primer. The first month of academically challenging classes will be taxing but
we have tips.
Survive the Drama – Everyone Hates
New Challenges
It is your first week at a new job.
You have a lot to learn, you don’t know anyone, you forgot your lunch, and you don’t
know where to eat. As an adult, you struggle and stress tremendously when
starting this new challenge, but you will likely wait until you get home to
complain about getting lost while looking for the break-room and all the
scheduled meetings. Sure, you are excited about new opportunities and certainly
the gains in income, but starting new challenges is, well, yucky. This
scenario is no different when you first start educating at home, only
the lunchroom is sometimes easier to find.
When your student starts a new academically
challenging class there will be complaints. Everything is new, they want to do
well but fear they won’t, and they don’t know all the answers nor understand
all the expectations, they aren’t sure yet where to go. Yucky. We get it. For all
of us, a good snack, hydration, and supportive words will help you and your
student survive this dramatic start.
Praise the Effort, not the Smarts
Your student is putting in the time.
All the signs are good because flash cards are in use, assignments are getting
read, tasks are being completed. Praise all of this excellent activity because
a growth mindset affirms that one can only get good at something after putting
in some effort. You are fighting against the far more normal mindset of the
undeveloped mind, namely that our talents are somehow already “fixed in place”
(as in set in stone, stationary) at birth. Logic prescribes this isn’t so.
Don’t wait until that fabulous grade
arrives on the first big exam to say, “well done.” The goal is steady
consistent effort. Ever-improving grades are a nice bonus side-effect of
putting in determination and struggle.
I like to use one of my son’s
college experiences as an example. He’s now a gainfully employed physical therapist
but his first class for his first semester of college was much the same as
every other student who has grand plans for a medical career: anatomy and
physiology. A&P lost half of the students before the drop deadline.
Students who had luminous academic scores in high school were clawing towards scores
in the low C range, the minimum to pass a course that is needed to move on in
medicine. Another half of the remaining students didn’t pass and changed their
majors. My son was pleased and proud to earn a low B (and retook it his senior
year for an A).
An academically challenging course
that was a career-do-or-die offered no chance for glamorous rewards but needed determination
and grit. That score didn’t look particularly “smart” on paper, unless you too
have been through this type of class. The work that really matters may not always
look smart but sticking with it? That’s the prize!
Don’t Foster an Addiction to Do-Overs
A trendy policy in public education
right now is the habit of constantly allowing re-dos and retakes and do-overs
and mulligans. In all the history of education, this was never normal,
primarily because there is zero motivation for a student to study for anything.
Enter that quiz and keep whittling away at a quiz score until boredom hits or
you’ve toggled through all the multi-choice options and game the system. Consequently,
we have millions of students who not only don’t need to study but now certainly
can’t study if needed. Why would they?
This approach was introduced when
personal devices became a major part of every classroom. Educators could put
together a short multi-choice computer graded quiz online and leave it sit. Students can keep
retaking the quiz until scores go up, the only goal
(learning? Not so much).
The only type of quizzes that work for
eternal re-dos are fairly basic by necessity. There isn’t time to grade,
regrade, and re-re-grade complex assignments and projects with a room of 40 students.
Material is kept at an artificially rudimentary level so it can be completely
computer-graded. Now we have students who never learn to write under any type
of pressure.
Offers of unlimited retakes give a
student no pressure to surpass basic levels but why? If you must prepare a
20-minute well-researched speech to a group of esteemed peers, you prepare
fervently. You never know what question the audience might ask! Nobody feels
that level of concern over, say, an email in which you casually assemble your points
and add important links then answer questions at leisure.
That stressful speech—just like a one-chance-only
quiz, exam, or timed essay—pressures you to prepare. You want to present your
case knowledgeably. Research, preparation, memorization, and practice naturally
help. The reasonable response is subject mastery.
Unlimited re-dos do not mimic real
life. Mess up the quarterly report, your boss isn’t going to repeat the
meeting. Tangle up holiday plans, you don’t get a second week of vacation to
fix everything. Forget your college midterm, you don’t get to reschedule a week
later after a second study period. Forget to pay the bills for two months? Good
luck.
Your Child Can Do This
Unless the faculty educating your
student started teaching yesterday, he or she has had a lot of experience
getting students from very limited experience in a particular subject to the
point of proving very decent mastery. Constantly model confidence that your
student can overcome, persevere, work hard, have determination, and ultimately
succeed. Setbacks are expected! Occasional hurdles are required! Failure here
and there? Normal! Failure is a teachable moment rather than shame but only if we
allow natural heights of success and valleys of failure.
Set Things Up for Success
Provide tools, time, and
encouragement. Subtract distractions. Avoid too heavy a load but don’t be
afraid to challenge your clever and competent student. A greenhouse plant will
quickly perish in the sun and wind unless you acclimate that rose. A common
thing that sabotages success at the start of each new semester is the desire to
get in “one last” break. Some students can manage the stress of hurrying through
the first couple of weeks of classes for a trip. Most can’t. Set things up for
success might mean keeping things boring until your student gets on their feet.
Don’t Fill in for Them
Unlike faculty who might have your
student for just one semester, our program hosts students often throughout both
their middle school and high school years. This means that we can see how they
did at the start and compare that work to what they are able to do four, five,
or six years later. Unless you are a homeschool parent (and many of you are, so
this is a big benefit to home education) there will never be an educator who
has the opportunity to see a student start with, say, Latin 1 and finish with
Latin 5. All of this is preface to the following absolutely true statement: no
student whose parents “fill in for them” ever make it to Latin 5 …or even Latin
2.
It is out of love and concern that
we parents are tempted to help by doing a bit of this assignment or that
assignment as good examples of how to get the assignment done. It is often very
difficult once you help a student in this way to stop because all the prior
struggles were lightened and all the necessary coping techniques were never
mastered. Never do any of your students’ work.
Make It Ok to Not Be Perfect
Perfectionists struggle more than
any other type of student. This form of self-torture will make even the most
capable and clever student miserable to the point that they often give up. When
questioned, perfectionists will claim their approach is the preferred one! Why
shouldn’t one strive to be perfect?!
The problem is that there’s no such
thing as perfect here on earth. We are all but shadows of the real thing if
ancient Greek philosophy is to be observed and we have all fallen short
according to the Bible.
Perfectionists often give birth to
other perfectionists. Your task may not just be to help your child navigate
towards a healthier relationship with struggle and failure. The fight might
start with yourself and how you model perfectionism at home. The next time you
mess something up—if you are like me that will be before you go to bed tonight—do
your best to model healthy recovery with a little humor and old-fashioned
live-and-learn attitude.